<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Goon Omens by infinitevariety (disapparater)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27175025">Goon Omens</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/disapparater/pseuds/infinitevariety'>infinitevariety (disapparater)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Languages and Linguistics, POV Third Person Omniscient, They/Them Pronouns for Aziraphale (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:07:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>435</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27175025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/disapparater/pseuds/infinitevariety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>GOON <i>/gu:n/</i><br/><i>noun</i> (informal)<br/>1. a silly, foolish, or eccentric person<br/>2. a violent, aggressive person who is hired to intimidate or harm people</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Goon Omens</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by an ask I got on tumblr and originally posted <a href="https://infinitevariety.tumblr.com/post/632788484862705664/secret-alternative-title-goon-omens">here</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a Thursday and the sun was just sinking below the rooftops of Soho. An ethereal and an occult being were sitting across from one another with an open bottle of wine between them.</p>
<p>They hadn’t seen each other in several years, for one reason or another. Taken out of town for work, busy in another place for pleasure, or simply anxious about being seen together. They didn’t seem overly pleased to see each other now, though they both very much were. Appearances, you understand, can be deceiving.</p>
<p>The occult being known as Crowley stretched an arm out to grasp the wine and pour them each a glass.</p>
<p>“So, what have you been up to, angel? Anything much?”</p>
<p>The ethereal being known as Aziraphale extended their own arm to accept the full glass of wine.</p>
<p>“The usual blessings and mercies. Got sent on a notable trip to Yemen to verify a false second coming. Mostly I’ve been travelling to obtain books and rare curiosities.”</p>
<p>“More books?” Crowley moved their head to look over the room they were currently sitting in. “Don’t you have enough already?”</p>
<p>“Oh, well,” Aziraphale blustered, “I’m not sure about <i>that</i>. This is barely a fraction of the books that exist, and humans are writing more all the time. I can’t keep up!”</p>
<p>“Do you need to?” asked Crowley.</p>
<p>Aziraphale floundered for a moment before deflecting. “Anyway, what have <i>you</i> been doing since I last saw you?”</p>
<p>Crowley waved their free hand. “This and that, the usual.”</p>
<p>“Don’t want to share your dastardly deeds with the opposition?” Aziraphale spoke into their wine glass, which was quickly running low.</p>
<p>Crowley took a deep breath, which was completely unnecessary and entirely for show.</p>
<p>“I was instructed to infiltrate a crime syndicate here in London. It isn’t the worse assignment, actually. Threatening and roughing people up—like working for hell, but slightly less hellish.”</p>
<p>Crowley watched, as they always did, while Aziraphale turned the wine bottle thrice, as they always did, before pouring them both a second glass.</p>
<p>“You’re a hired thug?” asked Aziraphale.</p>
<p>At the same moment Crowley asked, “Why do you always spin the bottle?”</p>
<p>Then, in unison, they both said, “You’re a goon.”</p>
<p>The ethereal and occult beings shared two further bottles of wine, as well as a third of a bottle of Scotch, over the course of the rest of the evening. They spoke of human inventions, places far-flung across the earth, and old memories long shared.</p>
<p>Amongst all of this, of course, they continued to argue over the definition of the word goon for the rest of the evening.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come say hi on <a href="https://infinitevariety.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>